Red Flag Couture: Dating Your Trauma Tingles
MAY 10TH, 2023
EPISODE 1: Red Flag Couture: Dating Your Trauma Tingles with Kai Cheng Thom & Nkem Ndefo
What are trauma tingles, you ask? Oh, you know them. They're those wild, exciting, tantalizing, and misdirecting feelings that magnetize you into the same shitty relational dynamics you've been dealing with your whole life.
Oof, It's wild out there in the complex realm of relationships. Sometimes we find ourselves more interested in the chase than the embrace or confusing intensity for intimacy- all the while declaring that we want and need love. If red flags feel like home and you find yourself or people you know in the merry-go-round of relationship pains, welcome to the world of trauma tingles... Let's talk about it.
In this episode, Dr. Scott Lyons chats with Kai Cheng Thom and Nkem Ndefo about red flags in dating and why trauma tingles feel irresistible. If an ordinary life feels risky and red flags cause a buzz of excitement, don't worry—this is a normal part of being human and an adaptive response to trauma. Through witnessing patterns unfolding and learning how to form safer boundaries for ourselves and others, we can heal to the point that those trauma tingles become boring and unsexy- red flag couture no more!
Topics we break down:
How trauma tingles relate to your attachment style.
Why dating apps can be dehumanizing.
Communicating your needs.
Reconfiguring relationships.
Maintaining boundaries.
Choosing yourself.
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE
Show Notes
Rorschach Drawings:
Discount Codes:
Save 10% at Omala with offer code DRSCOTT10
Save 10% on The Embody Lab’s live and online workshops and certificate programs* with the offer code GENTLYUSED10
*Does not apply to in-person events or best-sellers.
Special Guests
KAI CHENG THOM, MSW, MSC
Kai Cheng Thom, MSW, MSc, is a certified Somatic Sex Educator, Qualified Mediator, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Certified Professional Coach based in tkaronto/Toronto. She is also the author of five award-winning books in various genres. Kai Cheng's work focuses on the intersection of social justice, pleasure activism, and transformative approaches to healing conflict. A noted speaker and practitioner of somatic wellness, healing, and group process facilitation, Kai Cheng supports individuals and groups who are seeking to repair relationships and make transformative change. She also teaches as Adjunct Faculty at the Institute for the Study of Somatic Sex Education.
CONNECT WITH KAI:
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Arise Embodiment
NKEM NDEFO, MSN
Nkem Ndefo is the founder and president of Lumos Transforms and creator of The Resilience Toolkit, a model that promotes embodied self-awareness and self-regulation in an ecologically sensitive framework and social justice context. Licensed as a nurse midwife, Nkem also has extensive post-graduate training in complementary health modalities and emotional therapies. She brings an abundance of experience as a clinician, educator, consultant, and community strategist to innovative programs that address stress and trauma and build resilience for individuals, organizations, and communities across sectors, both in her home country (USA) and internationally. Nkem is particularly interested in working alongside people most impacted by violence and marginalization.
CONNECT WITH NKEM:
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
The Resilience Toolkit
Your Host
DR. SCOTT LYONS
Dr. Scott Lyons is a licensed holistic psychologist, educator and author of the book Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others, with Hachette publishing. Scott is also the host of The Gently Used Human Podcast, a delightfully depthful and often hilarious exploration of what it is to be human, to have lived life, and come out gently used.
As a renowned body-based trauma expert, Doctor of Osteopathy (Spain) and Mind-Body Medicine specialist, Scott helps people to break free from cycles of pain, limited beliefs, and trauma. Scott is an innovator in transformative wellness and trauma therapy, teaching over half a million people internationally over the past twenty years how to relieve stress and restore vitality. Scott has worked with many of the country’s top leaders and CEOs as an executive coach and wellness consultant.
Scott is the creator of The Embody Lab—the largest online learning platform for body-based trauma therapies—and developer of Somatic Stress Release™, a holistic process of restoring biological resilience, taught in over 20 countries. Scott is also the founder and progressive designer of Omala, a wellness brand dedicated to creating sustainably sourced tools for transformation.
About the Podcast
THE GENTLY USED HUMAN
Dr. Scott Lyons and his world renowned guests take us into the delightfully depthful and often hilarious exploration of what it is to be human, to have lived life, and come out gently used. From passion to pain, glory to defeat, comedy to drama to tragedy, we’ve all been through it. This show unpacks the psychology and humor needed to keep you thriving on the roller coaster of being human.
