Unlearning Our Best Behavior
MARCH 5TH, 2025
EPISODE 82: Unlearning Our Best Behavior with Elise Loehnen
Have you ever felt like you were following invisible rules you didn’t agree to? Do you catch yourself playing small, staying “good,” or holding back while others take up space? And what if those subconscious beliefs—about power, success, and even desire—aren’t actually yours?
In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Scott Lyons sits down with Elise Loehnen, a writer, editor, and cultural critic known for her sharp insights on power, patriarchy, and personal growth. As the former Chief Content Officer at Goop, Elise helped shape the modern wellness landscape before turning her focus to deconstructing the subconscious rules that shape our lives. She is also the New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior, which explores how deeply ingrained cultural norms—particularly the Seven Deadly Sins—still dictate women’s behavior today.
Together, Scott and Elise dive into the hidden forces that govern us, how to unlearn restrictive narratives, and why recognizing our own internalized biases is the key to true liberation. If you've ever felt stuck in a system that doesn’t quite serve you, this episode will give you the perspective shift you need.
Topics We Break Down:
The Cultural Programming We Can’t See – How we internalize and reinforce social norms without even realizing it.
The Patriarchy Isn’t Just ‘Men’ – Understanding how women also uphold and police patriarchal structures.
Envy as a Compass – Why the things (and people) that trigger us the most might be showing us what we truly want.
How We Keep Ourselves Small – The self-imposed rules that hold us back, and how to rewrite them.
Moving from ‘Against’ to ‘For’ – Shifting from resistance to creation, and learning how to build the world we actually want.
Tune in for an honest, mind-expanding conversation that just might change the way you see yourself—and the world around you
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE
Show Notes
Episode Links:
Discount Codes:
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Special Guests
ELISE LOEHNEN
Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. Ultimately Elise is a seeker and synthesizer, braiding together wisdom traditions, cultural history, and a deep knowledge of healing modalities to unlock new ways to contextualize who we are and why we’re here. She’s also the author of the instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH). The book weaves together history, memoir, and cultural criticism to explore the ways patriarchy lands in the bodies of women and embeds itself in our consciousness—and what we then police in ourselves and in each other. Regardless of our religious provenance, the self-denial implicit in each of the Seven Deadly Sins—Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger—reads like a checklist of what it means to be a “good” woman. With awareness, we can begin to recognize these patterns of self-restriction, break the story, and move ourselves and each other toward freedom and balance.
Your Host
DR. SCOTT LYONS
Dr. Scott Lyons is a licensed holistic psychologist, educator and author of the book Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others, with Hachette publishing. Scott is also the host of The Gently Used Human Podcast, a delightfully depthful and often hilarious exploration of what it is to be human, to have lived life, and come out gently used.
As a renowned body-based trauma expert, Doctor of Osteopathy (Spain) and Mind-Body Medicine specialist, Scott helps people to break free from cycles of pain, limited beliefs, and trauma. Scott is an innovator in transformative wellness and trauma therapy, teaching over half a million people internationally over the past twenty years how to relieve stress and restore vitality. Scott has worked with many of the country’s top leaders and CEOs as an executive coach and wellness consultant.
Scott is the creator of The Embody Lab—the largest online learning platform for body-based trauma therapies—and developer of Somatic Stress Release™, a holistic process of restoring biological resilience, taught in over 20 countries. Scott is also the founder and progressive designer of Omala, a wellness brand dedicated to creating sustainably sourced tools for transformation.
About the Podcast
THE GENTLY USED HUMAN
Dr. Scott Lyons and his world renowned guests take us into the delightfully depthful and often hilarious exploration of what it is to be human, to have lived life, and come out gently used. From passion to pain, glory to defeat, comedy to drama to tragedy, we’ve all been through it. This show unpacks the psychology and humor needed to keep you thriving on the roller coaster of being human.
